Man,
have times changed. My life has been so planned and regimented 'lo
these past 15 years. Were you as crazy as I was? I know some of you
were, but don't worry, I won't print your names. We always had fun, but
it was always on the edge. It couldn't be a normal, calm existence. It
was hectic, rushed and we lived as if it was our last days on earth. I
have been in the 'Ville for most of my life, except for a few jaunts to
some pretty far-out places. I always returned to Somerville, like a
baby bird to his nest. Or something like that.

Back in the early
80's, I was going out with a lovely lady from the 'Ville whose father
didn't like me (that's a shocker). He had a problem with long haired
rock musicians who partied too much. We were going hot and heavy, when
all of a sudden we broke up. So I did the logical thing – I left the
comfort of Somerville for the unknown San Fernando Valley of
California. I'll show her – I'll move 3,000 miles away, and become a
Hollywood star. After all, I had my theatre degree from Emerson
College! I got an apartment in the same apartment building where my
sister was living with her new baby girl – it was great! I lived
downstairs from my niece, sister and brother in law. We had a built-in
pool and she cooked for me. That's when I fell in love with avocados.
Life in Canoga Park was different, but I was getting used to it. I got
a job in a head shop (they sold bongs and stuff like that) – a place
that sold all sorts of drug paraphernalia. I met Jimi Hendrix's drummer
on the album band of Gypsies, Mr. Buddy Miles. I met an agent who lived
in Sammy Davis Jr's old house – Sammy had a room the size of my bedroom
just for shoes! I think Judy Garland lived there at one time also. I
also tracked down a couple of Somerville friends out there. You will
find Somerville people everywhere you go. I bumped into a guy from my
street in Disney World back in the 90's. Forget about Old Orchard
Beach, because as I have said before, it's Somerville with water. So
back to the California adventure. There I am, doing pretty well,
enjoying the sun, my sisters cooking, a crazy job and I get a phone
call from Somerville. It seems the gal I had broken up with had a
sudden change of heart – she wanted me back. So, I wanted to get back
to Somerville as fast as I could. I dumped the job, the apartment with
the pool, my sisters cooking, the weather and my dreams of becoming a
star in Hollywood – and headed home. But being the compulsive thick
headed guy that I am, I decided to take a Greyhound bus back to Boston.
Why would I wait another week and fly home? I really can't tell you
because I don't remember. Maybe it was a cash thing. I think I just
wanted to get back and wasn't in a clear mind. At any rate, I'm on a
bus for 5 days. I hooked up with some other passengers on the way home
who were quite the partiers. We all got tossed off of the bus in
Albuquerque New Mexico. We had to wait 6 hours for the next bus. The
really tough part about being on a bus for 5 days is personal hygiene.
I got real good at washing my feet in the restroom sinks. I was one of
the lucky ones who had plenty of clean socks. I wish I had some Febreze
and Lysol spray, because I would have sprayed a few passengers. When
you're on a long bus ride, you make friends with people, and then one
by one they get off at their destinations. I must say it was pretty
emotional saying goodbye to friends you spent 2, 3 and 4 days with in
such close conditions. We all took each other's phone numbers. I never
heard from any of them ever again.

So I finally make it home
to good old Somerville! I'll never forget the first time I went back
into my girlfriend's house since returning. Her dad gave me the usual
protective, smile-less, "I hate you" stern father's sneer. What her
uncle said made me feel very comfortable – he looks at me and says:
"Don't tell me you're back again." And he wasn't fooling. Yes it was
great to be home. What's so great about California? The heck with the
built-in pool, the freedom of my own pad, the cool job, the awesome
weather, the fun of being with my sister and her baby. I was finally
back with the love of my life. WRONG! The rekindled romance went down
in flames. But hey, I had gained a lot! I got to move back into my
little room on Hall Avenue with the psychedelic wallpaper and listen to
my dad snore while I was trying to watch TV. I was back to helping mom
with housework too. I had gone from Mr. Independent to Mr. Loser who
moves back in with his parents. I recovered, and was soon playing in
another band, and would soon start my radio career at Kiss 108 FM. I
was back in Somerville and back with my buds and the fam. You can
always go home when you live in Somerville. My friends were still on
the same bar stools they were on when I left, so I didn't miss a beat.
But I will never take a five day bus ride again. Oh, and there were a
few other women since then who had me jumping through hoops. Someday,
I'll tell you about the boy from Somerville who moved to Florida for a
year with a girl. So I will never again hop on a bus, Gus, unless it's
to visit my friend in Jersey, or if my truck breaks down.