On The Silly Side by Jimmy Del Ponte

(The opinions and views expressed in the commentaries of The Somerville News belong solely to the authors of those commentaries and do not reflect the views or opinions of The Somerville News, its staff or publishers.)

I saw a list of the top ten New Year’s resolutions people make Рhere they are:

Spend more time with family and friends
Exercise
Lose the spare tire
Quit smoking
Enjoy life more
Quit drinking
Get out of debt
Learn something new
Help others
Get organized

Yes, New Years Eve is the time we list our bad habits and “attempt” to resolve ourselves to changing them from bad to good. Well this year, I have a resolution РI am going to stop setting goals that I can’t reach. I will, instead, set goals that I at least have a slim chance of achieving:

I will try to spend more time on the couch watching TV
I will walk the dog all the way to Powderhouse Park and back instead of half way.
I will cut down the fast food joints to only once a week…maybe
I will wait until I am out of the boss’s sight before I roll my eyes at him
I will face the fact that I will never be out of debt.
Next year I will not throw away any Christmas cards without opening them first
I will try to stop cursing at rude motorists – they may have guns
I will get more exercise by walking to CVS to pick up my Lipitor prescription.

Some habits can never be broken – for example, as long as I am alive, when I am referring to Rite-Aid, it will always be Osco’s to me. Can anyone else remember watching the “Three Stooges Marathon” on New Years Eve? That’s a very good habit.

I remember when the nuns at St. Clements stopped wearing their habits Рwe were amazed that they actually had ears and hair! I have a habit of checking out the “after Christmas” sales during the week between Christmas and New Years. The wrapping paper, bows and ornaments get reduced all the way down to 75% Рthat’s when I stock up for next year.

Some habits must stay intact РI will never stop ordering pizza from Mike’s on Friday night Рit’s a tradition! Even though I own three seasons of “Seinfeld” on DVD, I still look forward to watching it at 7pm on Fox 25 every night.

I don’t have to quit drinking, because I did that over 10 years ago Рthanks to Pat Connelly’s, The Coronet, Frascatis, Johnny D’s, The Embassy Lounge, Studley’s, Jasper’s, The Rosebud and The Jumbo, I got all my drinking done early in life.

One of the resolutions mentioned above is to get organized Рthat’s hard when you’re a “pack-rat” like me РI still have newspaper clippings of when I was the “Artful Dodger” in Project Star’s 1968 production of “Oliver”. I have the “Toxic Spill” cover of the Journal. I have the October 2, 1967 cover of the Record American proclaiming “The Sox Won the Pennant”. I have four boxes of albums, four crates of 45’s and three plastic trash bags full of cassettes Рthat’s pretty organized, right?

Just the mere fact that I wake up everyday, get dressed, go to work, take care of the kids and the dog, pay the bills and so on and so on Рmust mean I’m pretty organized already.

Oh and while writing this, I found out that there will be a “Three Stooges Marathon” on New Years Eve Рso right off the bat 2008 is starting off right! I just hope they’re all Curley episodes…

So good luck with your resolutions Рbut be realistic Рdon’t bum out if you can’t reach your goals. My motto has always been “do the least possible amount of work to squeak by.” If you expect nothing, then you won’t be disappointed when you fail РI think we’re all doing fine anyway. Hey, you’re reading a free newspaper in a great city Рthings could always be worse.

So here’s my “stand alone” resolution РI will set lower goals and standards for myself in 2008 Рthat way I’ll be grateful for whatever I get. Happy New Year!

You can email Jimmy with comments directly at jimmydel@rcn.com