On The Silly Side by Jimmy Del Ponte

(The opinions and views expressed in the commentaries of The Somerville News belong solely to the authors of those commentaries and do not reflect the views or opinions of The Somerville News, its staff or publishers.)

What ever happened to Mr. Magoo’s Christmas Carol? They used to run it every year when I was growing up – Jack Cassidy was the voice of Bob Crochet, and of course Jim Backus was Mr. Magoo. It was one of those traditions that I wanted to pass on to my kids‚Ķ‚Äùwith razzle berry dressing‚Äù! I think it used to be televised on Channel 38.  Anyway, I finally found ‚ÄúMr. Magoo‚Äôs Christmas Carol‚Äù online – now it is in that dusty pile of DVD‚Äôs that we never watch ‚Äì most of them were gifts from Christmas past ‚Äì you know, watched it once and it didn‚Äôt catch on with the kids.

Nowadays they show 24 straight hours of “A Christmas Story”, which is okay, but one hour is plenty for me, thanks РI could watch Chevy Chase in National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation over and over – actually, it’s sort of become a tradition.

One tradition that we still have is that old plastic plug-in Santa Clause that stood in the living room for at least the past 50 years РSanta’s white beard now has a yellow tint and there is yellowing scotch tape holding it together. Every year when I plug it in, I close my eyes thinking it’s going to blow the circuits out. It probably came from J.M Fields or Zayre’s – maybe even Raymonds. My dad used to love to shop at Raymond’s in town. Their slogan was “The Home of Uncle Eef” РI know I’m not the only person who remembers this store. My first electric guitar came from Raymond’s Рdad and I took the Green Line into town to get it Рit cost $28 and it was the best gift I ever got. Back then we also used to go check out Santa’s Enchanted Village, before they trashed that Christmas tradition.

Lechmere Sales was another old store that played a big part in my old Christmas memories. I forget the year, but our first color TV came from Lechmere РI remember my brother Joe got up at 4 a.m. and was watching the test pattern waiting for a color show to come on. That’s one of my fondest Christmas memories. I forget what year we made the big transition from a real tree to a fake tree Рit was an ugly silver aluminum tree and instead of lights it had that color wheel. It made an obnoxious squeaky sound as it spun casting its shades of red, green, blue and I think Рyellow.

My dad was a very funny guy who had a very weird Christmas tradition. He used to tell us that he was going to wait on the roof for Santa with a shotgun – which may actually explain a lot of the baggage I bring to my therapist each week Рhowever, there was always a thank you note from Santa for the cookies, hot chocolate and carrots (for the reindeer) that we always left on Christmas Eve. It was very strange how Santa and dad’s penmanship were very similar. And also of note Рhappily Рthere was never a dead, fat, bearded guy on the lawn on Christmas morning.

Mom always wrapped up socks and underwear for Christmas, which I thought was a rip-off – but what did we get mom? We made her a macaroni wreath with pinecones – that stunk from silver spray paint.

One year I made my dad a gift Рwe used to go to something called “Hobby Class” Рit was at the Brown School in the afternoon. One particular year we painted shaving mugs for our fathers. I painted a likeness of my dad complete with glasses on mine. For 40 years it sat in the medicine cabinet with a shaving brush in it and every year a little more of the painted “dad face” would chip off РI don’t even know where it is today Рmaybe dad took it with him to that big bathroom in the sky.

With all the last minute running around, it was getting harder to keep the Christmas spirit fresh. The cutthroat tactics used in finding parking spaces sort of took away a little of that spirit. It’s difficult for me to imagine that the guy who flipped me the bird at the Powder House rotary could be suddenly transformed into a happy, thankful “holiday guy” on Christmas morning. I also got a very dirty look from the guy who wanted the last Nintendo DS that I nabbed at Best Buy – Merry Christmas indeed! And I never think I have enough gifts for the kids Рhow different it is today – way too much technology.

My brother left us before I got the big TV Рhe would have loved it – with the HD and the surround sound and everything.

I was at my third school holiday concert of the season and the guy sitting next to me was a self-proclaimed humbug Рhis wish was that Christmas would be over and he called it a “rat race.” I guess he’s right in some ways. Oh, and by the way, do you think it’s rude for parents to leave as soon as their kid’s class is finished performing? I know, who cares? Eggnog always helps me get into the holiday spirit. And I can’t wait to get that nagging, throbbing pain in my back that comes after an hour of wrapping gifts. But hey, you are probably one of those people who said back in November: “my shopping is all done and it’s all wrapped” Рhow nerdy. You probably iron your socks and underwear too.

They say Christmas is not about gifts or TV specials or eggnog Рit’s about hope Рhow true. I hope I get something cool this year Рlike new slippers or a Chia Pet.

Seriously, let’s try to remember the important things for this holiday season – health Рthe health of Tom Brady! The important thing will be waking up on Christmas morning Рwith The Patriots 15 and 0. Actually, the most important part of waking up on Christmas morning is actually waking up Рthat would be a great start to a good day! Merry Christmas!

You can email Jimmy with comments directly at jimmydel@rcn.com