Life in the Ville by Jimmy Del Ponte

As I was writing the story of the old television shows a few weeks back, I started thinking about the commercials we grew up watching. I enjoy some TV commercials like the GEICO ads. They are clever and amusing. But I wonder if people will remember them and even be able to recite some of them word for word in 20, 30, and even 40 years? I doubt it. Who could ever forget the old ad against littering that shows the Native American with the tear in his eye?
“Speedy Alka-Seltzer” is also an unforgettable character, as we heard, “Plop, plop, fizz, fizz, oh, what a relief it is!” Do you remember the Maxwell House coffee commercial around 1978 featuring a woman named Cora as the friendly storekeeper? Did she look familiar to you? It’s because Cora was none other than Margaret Hamilton, who played the Wicked Witch of the West in The Wizard of Oz! Another cast member from that classic movie hawked Lay’s potato chips. Bert Lahr, the cowardly Lion, sometimes dressed as the devil, snarled, “Bet you can’t eat just one!”

Is it all coming back to you? I always had this unforgettable image of Barney Rubble and Fred Flintstone smoking cigarettes. That sounds absurd, doesn’t it? Well, a few years ago I Googled “Flintstones smoking cigarettes.” Sure enough, there was the commercial in black and white. Imagine cartoon characters selling cigarettes? Search it up on the Internet, and you will see our beloved Fred and Barney smoking Winstons and telling America how wonderfully tasty they are. Crazy!

Schaefer was the one beer to have “when you’re having more than one!” It was also a popular jingle that The Somerville High School Boys Glee Club sang before the curtain went up at a big concert one year on stage in the high school auditorium! We drove poor Mr. Smith, the music teacher, out of his mind.

Do you remember a crazy product called “Mr. Microphone?” It was a Ronco product (of course) that amplified your voice when you put the radio dial on a certain frequency. Yes, any annoying voice would be transmitted over any radio with Mr. Microphone! That 70’s TV commercial showed people at parties singing over their radios. It also showed a couple of groovy cats in a convertible driving by some swinging gals. With the help of Mr. Microphone, the obnoxious dudes in the car yell over the car radio, “Hey girls … we’ll be back to pick you up later!” Mr. Whipple, the spectacle-wearing store clerk, asked, “Please don’t squeeze the Charmin!”

Another unforgettable commercial line was the guy sitting on the edge of his bed muttering, “I can’t believe I ate the whole thing!” This was also an ad for Alka-Seltzer. I always thought how crazy it was that I couldn’t remember my multiplication tables, but I could recite TV commercials. “Oh, I wish I was an Oscar Mayer Wiener, that is what I truly want to be … ‘cause if I was an Oscar Mayer Wiener, everyone would be in love with me!” I guess when something is drilled into your head over and over again, it sticks in there. Here are some more old commercials that are still in my head: “Ay-Yi-Yi-Yi … I am the Frito Bandito.” “BUTTER … Parkay … BUTTER … Parkay!” “Hold the pickles, hold the lettuce, special orders don’t upset us. All we ask is that you let us serve it your way.”

Skipping over to the radio for a second, let’s see if you can recall this old gem: “How many cookies did Andrew eat? Andrew ate 8,000. How do you keep your carpets clean? Call Andrew 8-8000” (Albany Rug Cleaners).

Some of those old ads would be offensive today, like the Virginia Slims ad that says, “You’ve come a long way, baby.” That wouldn’t fly today for two reasons. One, because we now know how deadly cigarette smoking is, and two, today it’s politically incorrect to refer to women with words like “baby.”

In closing, I am happy to report that apparently Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble have quit smoking.